This is your life...
Sunday, August 1, 2004
12:37AM - Money for nothing
I had a babysitting gig tonight. Easy money. I had to sit on my ass for 6 hours and read/watch a movie/watch tv. It was hard work. I'm exhausted.
I've babysat these kids before and this was by far the easiest time I've had of it. They're pretty good kids. The most effort I put into the whole night was when I made them some mini-pizzas at about 7 o'clock.
Got home at about midnight and saw a note for me. My mom told me to set my alarm clock for 10 AM so I can have a chat with her, and then I can go back to bed. I don't know what it's about, but I figure it can't be good.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
There's been something on my mind lately that until now I have avoided talking about to pretty much everybody. I've mentioned it to Fisher in the most detail, and other than him, only Tarun has heard me really talk about it.
Basically the problem on my mind is that I really like a certain girl. I won't mention her name on here, and if you end up reading this and figure out who it is I'm talking about, I'd appreciate you not mentioning her name in any comments you might make.
Basically, a girl who I have come to talk to a lot over the past few months has made quite an impression on me. And strangely enough, it isn't a physical attraction. Well, I am attracted to her physically, but it's more an intellectual attraction to her that I have. She and I think very similarly. We're on the same page about damn near everything, which is odd, because it isn't often that I'm on the same page as anyone about anything. So for me and her to be on the same page about almost everything is really weird.
I know she also thinks the same way as me on that particular subject, that being on the same wavelength as someone about everything is rare and special. She told me as much. And I know she trusts me implicitly. She talks candidly with me about things she doesn't tell anyone else, including her best friends, whom basically are a package deal (or at least they were when I met them). Where one goes, the others go too.
The problem though is that I don't know how she feels about me that way. In fact, intellectually, I'd have to say she very likely doesn't think about me that way. She's told me in the past that she doesn't ever intend to get married or anything, but in the same conversation she said that boyfriends were ok.
I don't know. I don't know what to think. As I said, I know she likely doesn't think about me as anything other than a friend, but if we're of like minds about everything else, what makes me think this is different?
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
9:56PM - Who will be evicted next in the Big Brother house? Will it be Holly, or Adria? Find out Thursday!
I was bored. This provided me with 5 minutes of relief from tedium, and thus, I post it. Perhaps it will spare someone else from boredom too.
Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.
What threat to the Bush administration are you?
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Sunday, July 25, 2004
7:07PM - Back from Philippa's
Well, I went to Philippa's place last night for that party I mentioned. I have to say, I had a pretty good time.
I didn't leave my house until about 9:30, which was after the time stated on the invite email. I didn't want to show up until at least there was one person I speak with from time to time for me to converse with. I had done a little pre-drinking before I left, and I mixed some vodka into a container of tropicana for the actual party. Plus I had another 26er of vodka for Fisher with me. I did some more drinking on the bus and got to the party somewhere around 10:15 I think.
When I got there, Fisher was already there in the kitchen talking to Justin Hubbard, Whitney Reyes, Jeff Cutter, and Adam Zakrzewski. I hadn't seen any of them in quite some time, so it was good to see them.
Over the course of the night, these were pretty much who I conversed with, not because I didn't want to talk to anybody else, it just kinda worked out that way. Obviously I spoke to others from time to time, but never for all that long.
I did see a lot of people I hadn't seen in quite some time. There was a guy there named Michael Shaver who was in my class when I was in the 2nd grade. I had no idea he even knew Philippa.
I don't know exactly what time I left, but it was not too long after 5 in the morning I think. I went and waited for the bus on Burnhamthorpe. I waited until after 6:30 before I took a look at the posted bus times. I knew it was a Sunday so I knew the buses would be coming only once an hour, but having waited for at least an hour, I was wondering why there was not yet a bus. Plus I was fucking freezing and there was nowhere to go to escape the cold. The next bus wasn't going to come until 10:30. Given that I was ridiculously cold, I went and called a cab to go home.
I only realized about halfway that I didn't have all that much money on me, and would have to borrow some from my mom to pay the cabbie. She was not happy about this and is really pissed off at me now. Apparently having people over while she's gone up north all this week is not permitted and she's told Tommy to rat on me if anyone comes. So basically if you're one of the people I've told to come over this week, I'm afraid I must reschedule. Though I obviously CAN have people over anyway, defying her isn't worth it.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
3:54PM - Took it a 3rd time
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
3:16PM - Getting drunk tonight.
I did this because I was bored.
12:32PM - Life sucks.
I haven't posted in almost 2 full months. This is mostly due to all the twisted, fucked up shit that's going on in my life. Since my last post: a very dear family friend died of brain cancer, my grandfather developed bowel cancer and they aren't sure how he'll do, my not-yet-2 year-old cat developed a blood clot because he had a heart defect and had to be put down, I still have no fucking job (I haven't even had an interview...or a phonecall for that matter) and I've been looking since April, and my mom intends to kick me out of the house at the start of August because I still have no job.
Isn't life grand?
My mom and Steve have actually been away for the last several days. They went up to Steve's dad's cottage somewhere out near Orillia, leaving me here to take care of the fish, my lone surviving cat, and Tommy (the old man who lives here). Fisher came by the other day. I hooked my PS2 up to the bigger TV in the basement and we played some NHL 2004 while some remixed nin boomed on the stereo. Fucking awesome music. We were somewhat fucked up (drinking and so forth), so the music was messing with us as we played. A good night, overall.
Fisher crashed here that night, a Wednesday, because we were both invited for some hockey and beer-drinking at Tarun's the next day. Unfortunately though, Fisher's mom called him to babysit his brother, so he couldnt make it to Tarun's. I did though, and had some fun playing hockey with Tarun, Maier, Bernard Chan, and Christa and Weaver. Plus the ten beers I had contributed to my fun. When I finally made it home, I was feeling pretty drunk. Which is how I plan to feel again tonight, as Philippa has invited me to her home to help her celebrate the 20th anniversary of her birth. And so I shall. Sitting beside me are two 26ers of vodka. I won't need both, but I clearly have enough booze to get nice and hammered.
It's also been just about a full year since I last puked from alcohol, with the last time being at Monique's house just inside August. Though it's been almost a year, I still feel utterly and completely terrible about it. I suspect I will for a long time yet.
Anyhow, I'm gonna end this post here and hopefully I'll post again soon with news as to how tonight's drunkeness goes. Hopefully a good time will be had by all.
Friday, June 4, 2004
7:18PM - Yummy yummy in my tummy
Courtney came by my house today to give me birthday tidings. It's my birthday in 2 days, on the 6th. I was pleased to see Courtney as it was an unexpected surprise. She had brought me a card, a gift, and a cake.
I must say, it is one of the most delicious cakes I've ever eaten. It's nice and fluffy and chocolate on the inside, and then iced whit vanilla icing (so thoroughly that I had no idea it was a chocolate cake until I cut a piece) and red sparkles. It's magnificient.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
1:46AM - BANG!!!!!
|emissarymark may explode without warning|
Wednesday, May 5, 2004
Decided just a few minutes ago that I'm going to backpack through Europe with my friend Jay. Leaving as soon as we can afford it. I imagine it'll be somewhat expensive since we won't have a fixed return date or anything. Just travelling, taking odd jobs and living on the fly. It'll be amazingly awesome. Obviously we're gonan stay at hostels and such, but even thouse require money, so we'd have to make money some how. Hopefully friends of friends living in Europe can help us out. Give us a place to stay for a while. Save a little bit of cash.
But I think it'll be awesome. There is so much of Europe that I want to see and experience and I fear that if I don't do this, I won't ever get the opportunity to go. I have such a fascination with history that being able to see things of historical signifigance would make me pee my pants. Walking along Juno Beach in France where hundreds of Canadians died 40 years (to the day) before I was born so that I could have the freedom to go on such an experience. Or seeing something like the Mona Lisa in person. Or finding the street (possibly house?) that my grandfather lived on when he was a boy. You can't go anywhere in Europe without there being something awesome. I'd love to have the knowledge that I had been somewhere that all the worlds influential figures had been. And you can still find shells and shit in various fields all through Europe. It'd be cool to send something like that home to my dad as a gift.
Plus, y'know, the marijuana bars in Amsterdam. And all you can drink pubs in Ireland and shit. Heh.
Hey, if anybody reads this who knows somebody in Europe who can help Jay and I out for a few days, or knows how much hostels cost, or have any other good ideas for us, by all means, let me know. I'm always on msn at firstname.lastname@example.org and can be emailed at the same address.
Or you could just respond to this post here. But I'm more likely to see it if you email me or something.
Thursday, January 22, 2004
* Starting time: 1:56 pm
* Name: Mark Dean Andrews
* Nickname: Andrews, The Emissary
* Birthday: June 6th, 1984
* College/ University: none as of yet
* Color of eyes: Brown
* Hair: Brown
* Height: 5'10"
* Shoe Size: 10
* Brothers/Sisters: Nadine (Dini) 18, Richard (Ricky) 13, Amy (Amy) 12.
* Bedtime: I know not what you mean.
---------HAVE YOU EVER---------
* Ever been so drunk you black out: twice now. most recent time was last weekend. Apparently we watched SWAT. *shrugs*
* Put a body part on fire for amusement: hair and pants. separate incidents.
* Been hurt emotionally: ...
* Kept a secret from everyone: If I had, I'd want to keep it a secret, so I shall say, no.
* Had an imaginary friend? Yeah. Drew.
* Wanted to hook up with a friend? yes, actually.
* Cried during a movie: only one movie can make me cry. and it also makes me laugh hysterically. hahahaha, he got hit by that taxi OMG WTF!!!!1
* Had a crush on a teacher: not really.
* Ever thought an animated character was hot?: Belle from Beauty And The Beast is pretty hot.
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: nope
* Have you ever been on stage? several times. G-TOWN was one such example
* Cut your hair yourself: I agree with Holmes. Just to fix the barber's errors.
* Been sarcastic: once or twice.
* Shampoo: *goes and checks* Alberto Balsam
* Color: dark blue.
* Day/Night: NIGHT
* summer/winter: summer
* Lace or satin: Satin...
* Cartoon Characters: Bender, Dr. Claw, Raphael (80s series only), Homer Simpson
* Food: steak and potatoes and chicken wings.
* Advertisement: PT Cruiser one with the crash test but instad it disappears...yeah...you know the one.
* Movie: The Last Samurai, Fight club, Meet Joe Black, & Remember The Titans are all among the top.
* Ice Cream: whatever.
* Wearing: grey pants, blue sweater I got for christmas with 3 thin horizontal stripes (yellow, sky blue, and white, in descending order.)
* Eating: Nothing at the moment but I get chicken wings for dinner so I am happy.
* Drinking: Vanilla Coke
* Watching: my life slip away second by second...
* Listening: Foo Fighters - Monkey Wrench (it'll be a different song by the time I'm done the survey)
---------IN THE LAST 24 HRS--------
* Cried: negative
* Worn a skirt: nope
* Met someone new: yes. Her name was....I don't remember her name. But she was new.
* Done Laundry: not yet, but in about an hour...
*Had Sex: No. I'm not allowed right now....fuck.
*Drove a car: Nope.
---------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------
* Yourself: Yes, even though nobody else does.
* Friends: certain ones.
* Santa Clause: nah
* Tooth Fairy: nah
* Destiny/Fate: nope. I believe in free will. Doesn't mean I don't believe in intuition. But the choice is still yours.
* God: Like, God from The Bible? No.
* Angels: Sure. They play in Anaheim.
* Ghosts: Yeah. I've played Mario 3 enough times to know that ghosts are real.
*UFO's: Unidentified Flying Objects? That's ridiculous. It was a weather balloon...
--------FRIENDS AND LIFE--------
* Love anyone?: family, certain friends.
* Who's the weirdest: Umm...either Paul, Chris, or Jay, depending on how you define weird.
* Who do you cry with? nobody. I cry on my own time.
* When you last cried: can't recall. Those are usually blocked memories.
* What's the best feeling in the world: the satisfaction of beating up a 12 year old for being a noisy and obnoxious little fuck.
* Worst Feeling: I agree with Sean, passing a stone sounds pretty bad. Never done it, but I believe him.
* Who will respond to this e-mail fastest: I'm posting it on my LJ, so I'd be surprised if anyone does.
* Who do you know who won't send this back: everybody
* Who sent this to u? Sean Holmes
* One wish: omniscience
* Finish Time: 2:30 pm
Monday, December 15, 2003
12:19AM - Scoot this, asshole.
You are Scooter.
You are a loyal, hardworking person, better known
as a doormat.
Going for stuff.
LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE:
"Go For Broke!"
"15 seconds to showtime."
LAST BOOK READ:
"300 New Ways to Get Your Uncle to Get You a
Better Job "
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:
Coffee, clipboard, and Very Special Guest Stars.
What Muppet are you?
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Sunday, December 14, 2003
I've been sick for the past month now. Mononcleosis. It's shitty. I've lost over 20 pounds. Now sure how I got it since everyone is like, fine.
Started with a migraine on November 17th. Lasted for days. Meanwhile my appetite went away. And then with the throwing up everything I ingested. Everything. Even like, juice, made me run for the toilet 5 minutes later. I didn't get to eat for like, 9 days. By the end of the vomitting I was throwing up bile and blood. It was gross. Bile smells terrible by the way.
Then came the dizzy. I've been dizzy for more than 2 weeks now. I can't stand or walk without almost falling over. It's pretty shitty. And it won't go away. Being dizzy sucks when you've been dizzy for 30 seconds. I've been dizzy for 2 weeks. It isn't fun. It's not just when standing either. It's all the time. Just worse when I'm standing.
I hope it goes away soon.
Saturday, November 1, 2003
11:34AM - I'm such a fucking tool.
Lately I've been getting to know a friend of mine better. Much better. Over the past month or so, we've seen eachother almost everyday, or spoken on the phone for several hours. Usually both.
Over the course of this month, I have started to seriously develop feelings for her. At first it was just a little moment of emotion. The first one I had felt about anyone in a long time. And she felt it too. Or so she says. Since that first moment of emotion, I'd been trying to ignore anything I might have felt because she still had feelings for another. But as we continued to spend more time together, more of these moments occured. Moments that we were both feeling (or at least I thought as much, now I'm not so sure). One such moment is when she kissed me when we were out with friends. Not a lustful kiss, but when I asked her about it she concluded that it was a sweet "you make me happy" type of kiss.
A couple of nights later, she and I talked and it came out that we were both still feeling these moments of emotion. The only real option for me was to wait and let her try to deal with emotions about this other dude. But it's been almost a week now and I've let down my walls, so I feel everything I actuallly feel for her, unencumbered. Now, having feelings and not knowing what is going on is incredibly painful. So last night I asked her about it. She told me that she just wants to be friends.
Which hurts so much I can't describe. She sayss she has been having feelings for me, but isn't interested in acting on them. She says she's had actual emotions, but she feels nothing. What makes this especially difficult is that as retarded as it is, and as much as I already know the answer, I can't help but think that EITHER she has been stringing me along from the start OR has feelings similar to me but thus far hasn't taken down those walls. See how retarded that is? Even as I get fucking shattered by her, I still remain hopeful. What the fuck is wrong with me?
And if she has been stringing me along like I think she has, WHY? What the fuck did I do to deserve that? What is her motivation for building me up like this to make me crumble? Her and Paula are very similar. With Paula, it's a game. She lives for the chase. To her the best part is to try to reel guys in and then toss them back. And if this is all I am to this girl, then what did I do to deserve it? Most guys are gigantic assholes. They only care about themselves and don't actually give a shit about their girl. I, however, am not like this. I am one of few guys who actually doesn't give a shit about himself if he makes the girl happy. And maybe that is what makes me deserve this. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a nice guy. Maybe I'm not supposed to give a fuck.
Even more painful is that after I talked to her, I think she went and hooked up with the party host for the night. I was sitting there devastated, and I think they were waiting for me to fall asleep so they could make out or whatever. I'm generally pretty good at reading vibes going between other people and that is what I was getting from them. And if it is true, how could I POSSIBLY continue to be friends with her? After she rips me apart, she adds insult to injury like that. "Here Mark, let me pour salt in the wound for you. And do a little dance around your writhing carcass." Do I really mean that little to her that she could do that? I'm no longer speaking emotionally, but even as a friend, does she have so little regard for me that she can do this?
I fucking thought we had a connection. I thought there was something there. How retarded I am for playing along with her game. I'm nothing but a toy to her. A toy that can be easily broken.
And sadly, even after the terrible terrible pain I've gone through since I spoke to her, if she were to say, 'wait three months and then we'll give it a shot and explore these feelings' I wouldn't hesitate. I'm so fucking pathetic.
Friday, August 29, 2003
1:34AM - Yeah, so my name is Mark
I just re-took a test I took a few months ago. I figured maybe I was in a bad mood that day. Evidently not.
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
1:14AM - Disorderly conduct
Thursday, August 28, 2003
10:27PM - Ba-ba-ba beer beer beer....
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
3:00PM - An Announcement
Friday, August 1, 2003
It's been an interesting week or so since my last posting here on my LJ. I didn't forget about the LJ though, so that's good.
I went downtown with Jay and Luis before Philippa's massive party on Saturday. We were trying to get jobs for the largest concert in the history of Canada, the Rolling Stone's SARS-Stock thingie. Unfortunately, the offices were closed shortly before we got there, so we ended up going down there for nothing. Still had a good day. We ended up chilling outside the hockey hall of fame for 2 hours or something. When we got back to Mississauga, we had some running around to do, trying to both let Luis's dog outside to take a poop and at the same time procure liquor for ourselves. Since I am legal-drinking age, this was merely a matter of getting to an LCBO, but none were to be found. Finally, we got to the party, I got REALLY drunk, and I ended up walking home. It's a pretty long walk from Philippa's place to my new house. Like, 20 km or something.
Then my parents went away for a couple of days on Monday, leaving me to take care of the animals. I like them and everything, but I don't think I would ever really want a pet of my own. Better things to do than clean up their poop all the time.
One of my friends had also been bugging me for a place to stay one night because he and his friend (who he was trying to make something happen with) couldn't stay at his place. Perhaps I think more logically than some, but it seems to me that if you don't have a place to stay, you generally shouldn't invite somebody to come stay with you. Anyways, I told my friend that they could stay here that night, though I would prefer they not do gross things. So my friend asked me if the 'occaissional kiss' was ok. Thinking he meant a peck ever once and a while (a reasonable assumption, I think), I agreed that that was fine. So when they came over, my friend was ALL over the other person, who seemed to be fairly reserved on account of there were other people present. But my friend, being a gigantic hypocrite (he got mad at me before for making out with my girlfriend in his presence) was not at all reserved. He was making out with his visitor in my presence (on my bed no less), making me feel VERY uncomfortable, and at one point, he used my blanket to hide something (I'm convinced he was trying to touch something, which was dropping all pretense of them not doing anything gross.) When I was with my girlfriend, I was 16 or something. Too young to realizee how others might feel in the presence of that. But my friend is 19. He should know better. It's not like I didn't want them doing anything in my house because I don't want gay shenanigans in my house. I don't care about that. It just puts me in a very awkward spot, which it is courteous to keep people out of at all times, let alone in their own homes. I shouldn't have to avoid the room when I'm allowing them to stay at MY house. I very much enjoyed the company of them when they weren't doing anything gross, but it puts me in an odd position to ever have them both back at the same time. I am NOT about to subject myself to that kind of discomfort again, but my friend will take it personally if I refuse. And it's not like I can take him at his word that nothing will happen after this time. So I am in a very odd place.
I guess I just needed to express my thoughts. Livejournal really is handy.
Thursday, July 24, 2003
10:15PM - Akoocheemoyah, asshole.
Voyager's First Officer, Chakotay.
Star Trek Voyager Crew Test
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I am far from the bones of my ancestors....
It's been a really weird day. I don't know if I feel like disclosing what happened just yet. But I think I might be forced to make a very important decision soon.
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